september '26
Honestly, September was a bit of a rough one for me. I had the stomach flu right at the beginning of the month and since I have Crohn’s disease I didn’t recover from it like a normal, healthy person does (I made a whole blog post about this). Fearing for my health and dealing with these issues really took it out of me. I didn’t go to work for 1 1/2 weeks and only went back after that because I knew it wasn’t gonna get any better soon and my mental health took a quick turn towards the worse. And while I do have a very stressful and physically demanding job, so it not the best idea when I’m dealing with joint pain etc., it did help me come out of this worst case spiral. I still need to readjust my medication and I’m definitely not back to 100% but I’m doing better than I was at the beginning of the month, physically and mentally.
Other than work and spiralling about my health I didn’t really do anything special because I had no energy left. I tried spending a little time with some friends but honestly my battery is just low all the time and for now I’m okay with just staying home, reading and watching videos about astronomy.
I didn’t read as many books as I usually do this month. I “only” read 11 books which is obviously still a lot of books but it is my worst month of the year. I stopped rating my books after finishing them and I think that really helped take the pressure out of reading. Now all my thoughts can be whether I enjoyed the book and I’d recommend it, not if it’s 3 or 3,5 stars. One of my bookish highlights was finishing Cosmos by Carl Sagan. I loved starting my day by listening to the audiobook while getting ready! I also read the last book in the The Kindred’s Curse series, which was a really anticipated book and I’m very happy to say I really enjoyed it! Another highlight was In Your Court by Kit Haley. I never thought I’d care about tennis this much but after adoring The Open Era by Edward Schmitt I knew I had to give tennis (especially gay tennis) another shot and I’m very happy I did.
I‘m still deep diving into astronomy, right now I’m really focused on planets and finding out more about exoplanets. It think this is developing form hyperfixation to a real special interest. I started reading nonfiction books!! Of my own free will!!! Which is something I never thought would happen in this lifetime.
I’m really happy it’s now October. I’m an autumn girlie though and through even though autumn is actually pretty shitty in Germany. It’s literally just gray and rainy outside. September was a lot hotter than I expected and I really hope that’s over now. I love that when it gets colder and rainier there’s no pressure to be out and about. I can just sit inside and enjoy my quiet time without feeling like I should be outside, doing “more” with my life.
I can’t wait to bake some cinnamon rolls, drink a pumpkin spice latte or a nice cup of tea and just relax on the sofa with a warm blanket.
Every time people tell me that their winter depression starts in autumn, I completely get it. But as someone who experiences bouts of depression the whole year around, I would rather be depressed while not sweating like a pig and feeling even worse about myself because I’m not outside “enjoying the weather” (but that’s just my take and experience, seasonal depression is very real and very valid).
Anywho, I’m starting to really ramble now, I hope you have a spooky (in a good way) October and I hope I’ll post some more blog posts this months now that my brain is not as busy with catastrophizing my whole life anymore!